It has been several months since my last post, and in that time I have been applying for jobs, having networking calls and Zooms with industry friends, taking online classes, and processing the loss of my job with a therapist. It’s been a really eye-opening experience of how I see myself and my own self-worth without a job, and determining what I do with so much free time.
Since learning about the FIRE movement I’ve dreamed of the day where I would be free of the American Grind, and have the flexibility to pursue other endeavors and spend more time with loved ones. I have realized though, that I am someone who really enjoys having a purpose and sense of “belonging” with a team. No, I’m not saying I’ve given up on the pursuit of FIRE, or even just financial independence (FI). But I don’t think I’ve realized until recently just how much I have attached my self worth to work over the entirety of my working life.
There are a few things I believe are in need of some recalibration, before I can really come to any conclusions about whether early retirement (RE) is for me. For one, I am really wrestling with American society’s message that our worth is found in our productivity. I do think this is a very regional value in the world, and very firmly founded in American culture. We glorify the “hustle” and the “grind,” not really taking enough time for our own health, family, and friends. We see conversations surrounding mental health and the importance of boundaries slowly start to be accepted in the public arena, especially with the nascent awakening borne out of the Covid pandemic. At 36 years of age, I am finally questioning what I base my self worth on - is it based on my productivity and external validation, or is it found inside myself, innately born within me as a child of God? I see now that I’ve accepted various messages and values in this country without question, assuming that these are the rules. But what if the rules are fake?
Second, I do think the experience of not working, or working less, is more enjoyable when you have financial security. Being laid off with some savings contributed significant security for me in the wake of the pandemic, but as the months rolled by and jobs in my industry were still nowhere to be found, the anxiety started to creep in. Leaving full time work without the “FU Money” of financial independence is a significantly different experience, and I really don’t recommend it! ;) Once I have achieved FI, I will definitely enjoy the work optional life so much more.
Lastly, one important lesson I’ve realized in this season is that I am someone who needs structure. I need a list of goals to achieve each day, even if it is just making sure I exercise, read a chapter in a book, pray, and take my vitamins. Working to improve myself and my life is something deeply tied to my happiness and contentment and an important realization as I work towards a life of independence. This is an easy but important mindset shift, as it is no longer a boss determining goals for each day, but myself. And ultimately, who better to determine the goals for my own one precious life than myself?
So what do I see myself doing once I reach FIRE? I think I will take time to rest and appreciate all I’ve accomplished, travel, and spend time with family. But I do think I will want to have projects or part time work that I can enjoy and complete on my own terms, rather than out of financial necessity. This all remains in line with my number one reason why I am pursuing FIRE: for the amazing freedom and options it will provide my life.